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November 2015


You had a different kind of face, the kind I'd never seen
Back when everything still felt so fake
We swam until broken bottles cut your feet, and you said
"This is now a place I cannot stand"
"I've got to get out, I no longer feel free"
Free to be unstable like your family

All your exit points blocked in
Left the door unlocked and I watched you spin
Held your body to the wind
And I wanted you scream, and I watched you scream, and I watched you scream

This is not the place where I was born
This is not the place where I will die
This is just the place where I will learn to keep myself alive
And it's hard to watch you breathe (hard to watch you breathe)
Reoccurring in my dreams, I held you close to me
Constant & Naturally

I drank and drove a few times when I was a kid
I was younger, I was selfish, I did all the things you would have if
You'd lived past seventeen, you're a Malick frame on a mental screen
You're the side to which I lean
Constant & Naturally
But your body only caved

(I'll let you go then (I loved you more then), and I loved you more when
You came after me and, I know my life won't end with you)


from Juvenilia, released November 20, 2016



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