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Juvenilia

by Milkshakes

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1.
Never You 03:40
The things that you were saying, on the night we met Got soaked up in my time hating you, I forgot I could learn to forget Think of our unborn children, submit to their controls Repeat faults of our parents, and the lies chaining me, I will learn to get to know But you can't say, that you wouldn't change a thing And I can't say You stood outside while I, I tried to pack my life in fifteen minutes I thought I'd never let you go The dialogue I plan out, it never seems to flow Verbatim to my own company, penning thoughts on the piles of your clothes That you left on my bed, the strands of hair replaced By a splotch, a stain, I'll admit I'm ashamed to the outline of your face You stood outside while I, I tried to pack my life in fifteen minutes I thought I'd never let you go You couldn't hide behind, your common sense, the stacks of books you never read I thought I'd never let you go I'll let you go then (I loved you more then) And I loved you more when You came after me and I know my life won't end with you You stood outside while I, I tried to pack my life in fifteen minutes I thought I'd never let you go
2.
Wait, for something to feel right again And you wait, in my backseat still creeping in And you said, "How could you be so insecure about the little things"? The broken glass on the sidewalks' reflecting how things used to be But you're gone And how does it look when I'm still holding on? So will you stay? Even when you're mad at me? And will you wait? Even when you're drunk and want to leave? And I know, I'm not as stable as you'd like for me to be I know, I'm not as faithful as you'd like for me to be Set in stone, took 95 the whole way home You felt so cold, your coffee table filled with poems And you said, "How could you spend so much time wrestling past tragedies"? I've been through shit that no one knows, that you'd never get out of me Don't say nothing, just say something
3.
Cave In 02:20
Draw the line, and think things through this time After all these years, you're still underneath me Moving in my skin, the only place you've ever been Comfortable, or close to home, your fathers phone Well it won't be ringing Save your stories, leave them for me In the basement, hope it caves in 'Cause the feelings stay the same And the past wont ever change At the least you could try And cut the ties Burn the exits through your house So you can feel the pressure every time that you walk out Out from where you used to live Provokes the though you never give You're all the same, you never say Anything
4.
Last night, something switched degrees I couldn't figure out your place with me And it scares me more as every second ticks by 'Cause you were the one good thing since seventeen From our parents rooms, to dorms and rings now I'm weighing on reflexive change I was trying, I was eighteen I wanted to tell you, that I'm sorry For the words that soon may exit me And I watched you blow a million ways I was trying, I was okay Hey Edie, can you hear me? Are my words transparent? Are you even listening to me? Yeah you make it so apparent when you just don't care And it could break my heart, but you won't let it I could break your heart, I won't feel better at all 'Cause you're the first one that I'd call Not after all You pull me through late summer air And you grab my arm through Franklin Square Now the bricks they shake, the stranger stale fail to dig my heels, reflect, or scale Our apartment, native winter Every check that clears, every splinter Every relapse night, every drunken flight Every letter, every picture
5.
Jupiter Jazz 03:27
You said you're weirded out, awaiting disposition from here From here on out, so I'll drive the fourteen minutes to your house On your lips something green contorts and berates me I could never fill my cup past meaningless decency That was pushed so hard on me It sliced me open ended Bled it in a magazine Degut my fractured personality Breaking down the text (Is this what you asked for, pushing through the last door?) Pull it down 'till nothings left Identity past wrecked (Is this what you wanted? Just can't get what you wanted) Can't bridge what's holding on, can't bridge what's Told, of the past Cant bridge what's sold, sold not to last She wrung Blue Velvet around my neck And I can't shake the feeling it left You were cold calling teenage intent That I hid 'till you left, "till you left, "till you left, "till you left Don't you, think you, pulled through, I do, I do!
6.
Monday morning, I pulled you into my arms Walked on the ceiling all wrong Now I'm just wishing you gone Thursday morning, you know I said it all wrong My urges pushing me on Now you're just wishing me gone This was not the best decision making process on my part I should have known from the start, new friends were better off dead Like the words in my head, new sheets on old beds, and the way that I can't pretend Like I'm not wishing you gone, and on and on and on But I guess thats fine, always so indifferent to my state of mind Yeah those things that matter most Sell your plastic pride, but I see it in your eyes That you're not alright Sit, and you wait, for these words to hit you the right way But these words, complicate, decisions waiting to be made (I'll pull your knife out, wishing you were right now, try and get your life out, of my troubled way)
7.
8:15 02:55
I was stuck between the window and your face Chasing echoes of the compliments I can’t seem to retrace On new figures, faded figures, boarded up, nothing configures As your weighted breath still lingers on and on and on and on In the post cards, and the little things The parties left in company Stay, wait, I left your house around 8:15 It fell away, while I was grating on a window screen And it felt like spring again But now it’s freezing in my bed Partied out of my pent energies this week Your were sick but I still kissed you, the things I’d do to make you weak But you got sicker, your lips stiffer, as we paced through our last picture Now I’m 3 weeks past my teenage years, the sediment's still crystal clear Stay, wait, I left your house around 8:15 It fell away, while I was grating on a window screen And it felt like spring again But now it’s freezing in my bed You were perfect in my head But now the summer ends again
8.
Naturally 04:29
You had a different kind of face, the kind I'd never seen Back when everything still felt so fake We swam until broken bottles cut your feet, and you said "This is now a place I cannot stand" "I've got to get out, I no longer feel free" Free to be unstable like your family All your exit points blocked in Left the door unlocked and I watched you spin Held your body to the wind And I wanted you scream, and I watched you scream, and I watched you scream This is not the place where I was born This is not the place where I will die This is just the place where I will learn to keep myself alive And it's hard to watch you breathe (hard to watch you breathe) Reoccurring in my dreams, I held you close to me Constant & Naturally I drank and drove a few times when I was a kid I was younger, I was selfish, I did all the things you would have if You'd lived past seventeen, you're a Malick frame on a mental screen You're the side to which I lean Constant & Naturally But your body only caved Naturally (I'll let you go then (I loved you more then), and I loved you more when You came after me and, I know my life won't end with you)

credits

released November 20, 2016

Instruments Engineered by Ryan Stack, December 27-30, 2015 at Format Audio in Amesbury, MA

Vocals Engineered by Ryan Pelegano & James Palko, February-April 2016 in Palkos Basement, Southington, CT

Mixed by Ryan Stack at Format Audio
Mastered by Tyler Bisson at Audio Geography Studios

All lyrics by Timothy Diltz
All music by Milkshakes

Milkshakes on this recording:
Tyler Armillei - Drums
Christian Benson - Bass
Timothy Diltz - Guitar, Vocals
Jason Moriarty - Guitar, Synth (on track 5)

with:
Britta Rankl - Vocals (on tracks 4, and 8)

Album Art by Timothy Diltz

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